May 212013
Photo Wikimedia Commons. Of course this is not me.

Photo Wikimedia Commons. Of course this is not me.

I am not much of a shopper, that being said I won’t be gracing our local Abercrombie and Fitch Store any time soon.

About twice a year I go to my favorite stores and load up on shirts, tank tops, capris, undergarments,  jeans, and the occasional tailored pants.  I usually wait for sales and then put back half of everything I want to buy.  I’m often frustrated about my weight, primarily  the disposition of my adipose tissue (apple-shaped versus pear-shaped), and leave the mall, thinking, “I’ll buy whatever I need on-line.”

My needs — especially now working from home — are simple.

Yesterday at the Mall I found the store that usually supplies my “delicates” was woefully low on inventory of my favorite brand.

Today I looked at the online site for this store, a national brand that caters to women “of a certain age and size” and found that most of their briefs were briefer than brief and covered with type….

  • Hot Stuff
  • Sugar Mama
  • Shake it
  • I dare you
  • Drink with me

Now I’m not one to wear the high-topped granny panties, but I’m also not going to regale my sweetheart with the words “Drink with me” pasted across my rear end in neon orange.

This got me to thinking.  If indeed I had to have words printed on my derreire, what would they be?  I’m open to suggestions, but here are some of my ideas….

  • Aged with Oil of Olay
  • Let’s get funky and watch HGTV
  • Warning: sands have shifted
  • Board at your own risk
  • Wide Load Ahead
  • We are not amused.
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