Dec 132017

December 13, 2017,  —

  1. Twice ousted Judge Roy Moore’s Sweet Home Alabama Christmas Special, featuring the Young Girl’s Chorale of Opp, Alabama sings “Carol of the Children.” Also starring the grown-up Cosby Kids, dancing with life-sized, animated Jello pudding pops.
  2. The Holiday Program showcases a family uncovering why cousin Eddie doesn’t look like Grandpa but has a striking resemblance to the late Wilfred Brimley.
  3. Old Timer’s Politically Correct Winter Holiday features Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Bernie Sanders reminiscing about a winter solstice spent with Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt at Hyde Park.
  4. Bill and Hillary Clinton return to the “Double Wide on the Arkansas River,” the Clinton Presidential Library, in Arkansas Holiday Celebration. Bill and Hill are welcomed by surprise guests Juanita Broaddrick, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, and Kathleen Willey. Hostess Monica Lewinski closes with” Deck the Halls,” wearing only boughs of holly.
  5. As the last college fraternity in the USA, the boys of Tau Nu Beta at tiny Central Idaho College ring in the holidays with the Party Until You Puke Christmas Special. The 12- underage brothers of TNB highlight drinking songs of times past, including “All I Want for Christmas is Whiskey” and the classic “One more Christmas Beer.”
  6. In A Slovenian Folk Christmas, First Lady Melania Trump shares her childhood dream to marry a man with a gold toilet. On a snowy day, she strolls of Novo Mesto, her hometown, distributing slices of Christmas cake to the villagers.
  7. Barron Christmas Carol – When his family moves from their gilded New York City tower to a white house built by slaves in Washington, D.C., a young lad learns how the other half lives, without gold toilets.
  8. The Asia for the Holidays travelogue tells the adventures of three college basketball players meandering their way through China on less than ten dollars a day. How the lanky superstars get funds for their travels is revealed.
  9. Attorney General Jeff Sessions recused himself from this remake of Elf on the Shelf after the initial viewing. Producers placed the diminutive Sessions in hilarious poses, in the Situation Room and under the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office.
  10. Vice President Mike Pence plays Ralphie in this made-for-tv adaptation of Jean Shepherds’ 1939 classic, A Christmas Story. The script was rejected when the sponsor, the National Rifle Association, demanded young Ralphie pine for an AR-15 instead of an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot, range model air rifle. Sponsored by Indiana NRA.
  11. You won’t want to miss Harvey Weinstein’s Predators Ball live from the steps of the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles. Dressed in red sweaters and white pants, a quartet of special guests, Matt Lauer, Dustin Hoffman, Mark Halperin, and Kevin Spacey delight the live audience with acapella versions of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” A video tribute to the late Hugh Hefner is narrated by Charlie Rose. — Amy McVay Abbott, December 13, 2017

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Crossposted on Medium.

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